Oh, the angst over writing this essay, and how I have procrastinated. Yes, life is like a steamroller lately, but reasons aren’t excuses, right? For me, writer’s doubt is an everyday wrestling of the mind and soul.
“You’re out of your league. You don’t fit,” he said.
Well, that’s exactly where I need to put myself. If I am to get better and figure out where I’m going, I need to have someone ahead of me who knows the way. Sometimes if something doesn’t fit, it needs trimming, right? Which is why I joined The Jerry Jenkins Writers Guild, and I follow his blog too. Yes, #JerryJenkinsIsMyMentor. I also fill my mind with the doctrine of other writers by following Positive Writer, Writer’s Digest, The Write Life and I’m a member of a local writer’s group. Jerry taught me, “Show, don’t tell.” So, here goes.
“You don’t have what it takes,” the accuser says.
Who God calls, He equips.
“Who is going to read your words? You will never get the attention, the amount of followers, you need to be published.”
For now, I will write for the one heart who is listening and needs to hear what I have to say. “God, give me a word in season for someone.”
“Who do you think you are? You are nobody. You are no Super Woman, Super Christian, mom or wife!”
You are right. But I am Jesus’ nobody, and He specializes in making nobodies into somebodies. What I am is super ordinary. I’m done with waiting for perfect. I am weak, but His strength is made perfect in weakness.
“There are others far greater than you who are qualified to speak.”
For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. I Corinthians 1:26 NKJV
So, I qualify. “God, breathe on my words; let them be like arrows, piercing hearts and infusing life and hope.”
It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God. 2 Corinthians 3:5 NLT
“You don’t have the time. Look how far behind you are, all the other things you have to do. If you put your heart out there, and your children do foolish things, everyone will know what a failure you are. By testifying about Him, you are setting them up as targets. I will attack them.”
“Shut up Satan! I don’t write just to fill pages. I don’t write for myself. This is my legacy for my children. I write for them, to bring glory to God, and so others may know Him. I don’t negotiate with terrorists, and I am not responsible for others’ decisions. I am responsible to obey God and speak the truth.”
“This is hopeless, too hard. Just quit. You can’t attain such lofty goals.”
Jesus, give me a teachable spirit. Help me to hone the craft you have gifted me with. Excelsior! Ever higher! Ad astra per aspera. Through difficulties to the stars, to excellence. With God all things are possible.
“What if you run out of words to say? What if you have started something you can’t finish with this site of yours?”
I won’t pursue inspiration. I will pursue You, Jesus.
As the deer pants after the water brook, so my soul pants after You, oh God. Psalm 42:1 NKJV
“Give me words to praise You, Lord; speak to me, so I can speak to them. Jesus, I want to shake the world, show them Your love, and who You are. But I am so small. Here’s my five loaves and two fishes, Lord.”
So, how do I overcome writer’s doubt? I pray; I listen. I obey my calling, and write myself out of it.
(Inhale. Exhale… Post.)
© 2016 Rachael M Colby | Tattoo It On Your Heart